Stop These Four Toxic Communication Patterns

If you’ve ever found yourself stuck in the same painful arguments with your partner, you’re not alone. Relationship experts Drs. John and Julie Gottman have identified four toxic communication patterns which erode connection over time—Criticism, Defensiveness, Contempt, and Stonewalling.

The good news? Each has an antidote that can help shift your dynamic toward healthier, more productive communication.

1. Instead of Criticism, try a Gentle Start-Up—expressing your needs without blame.

2. Replace Defensiveness with Taking Responsibility, even for a small part of the issue.

3. Swap Contempt for Appreciation & Respect, focusing on what you value in your partner.

4. When Stonewalling kicks in, practice Self-Soothing rather than shutting down.

These antidotes take practice but can dramatically transform how you and your partner navigate conflict. If you want to dive deeper, check out my free resource—a guide to recognizing these toxic patterns in real time and applying their antidotes effectively. Your relationship deserves it!