Sorry Babe, I'm Getting Flooded

"Getting flooded" refers to a state of emotional overwhelm, often triggered by conflict or stress in a relationship. When someone is flooded, their nervous system goes into fight, flight, or freeze mode, making it hard to think clearly, communicate effectively, or respond rationally. When flooding occurs, it disrupts the social engagement system impairing our ability to connect.

Signs of Emotional Flooding:

• Racing heart (often over 100 BPM)

• Shallow or rapid breathing

• Feeling panicked, trapped, or out of control

• Shutting down or going blank

• Strong urge to escape the conversation

• Difficulty processing what’s being said

• Conversations stuck on repeat

• Empathy & Listening are impaired

• Rational problem-solving breaks down

Flooding is a biological stress response, not a conscious choice. It happens when emotions become too intense to handle in the moment. Learning to self-soothe, take breaks, and regulate emotions is key to managing it.

Here’s a simple tip to manage emotional flooding in relationships:

Take a Break

If you’re feeling flooded, it’s important to pause the conversation. Tell your partner, “I need a moment to calm down” and step away.

How to Take a Break Effectively:

1. Set a Timer – Agree on a short break, like 20 minutes, so it’s clear when to resume the conversation.

2. Focus on Self-Soothing – Deep breathing, a walk, or listening to calming music can help lower your heart rate.

3. Avoid Ruminating – Instead of replaying the argument, focus on grounding yourself and thinking about what you want to say when you’re calm.

4. Return with Intention – When you’re ready, come back to the conversation with a mindset of understanding and collaboration.

This technique can help both partners feel heard, calm, and ready to address the issue without getting stuck in emotional overwhelm.