Sentimental Love

Hey Love Futurists, let’s dive into this intoxicating yet ultimately unfulfilling type of love…

Sentimental love refers to the idealized, nostalgic, romanticized version of love that lives in your imagination rather than in your actual relationship. It’s valuing the emotional high of the idea of someone over the real work of connection.

Projection: When you unconsciously place your own hopes, fears, wounds, or desires onto someone else and interpret them through the lens of your inner world instead of who they actually are.

Fantasy: The idealized storyline you create about the relationship—who they could become, what the future could look like, or how perfect things would be if they match your ideal vision.

Longing: A pull toward something unavailable or inconsistent. It’s the emotional high of wanting, which often feels safer than having, especially for those with attachment wounds.

Unmet childhood needs: Old emotional needs that were not met early in life (being chosen, soothed, seen, or valued) that resurface in adult relationships. The relationship becomes an unconscious reliving of the past.

Imagined scenarios: Mental “movies” where the person shows up perfectly: apologizing, changing, choosing you, pursuing you, or finally giving you what you want. These offer emotional comfort without requiring the real person to actually behave that way.

Symbolic meaning: When the person represents something bigger than the relationship—validation, status, identity, healing, redemption, or a new chapter. You fall in love with the dream, not the person.

Aesthetic Identity: The curated image of who your partner should be based on lifestyle, taste, image, status, money, or romantic archetype. It’s about how the relationship looks from the outside, not how it feels on the inside.

Dopamine: The chemical surge you get from novelty, anticipation, inconsistency, or fantasy. Your brain becomes addicted to the emotional spikes and confuses that rush with real intimacy.

Social Media: Constant exposure to perfectly edited, idealized relationship content that glamorizes intensity, aesthetics, and performative love. Reels train your nervous system to expect high drama, instant chemistry, and cinematic romance—none of which reflect the reality of secure connection.

Let’s be honest—everyone has a little sentimental love inside them. It becomes a problem when chasing the high becomes more important than facing the reality.

You attach to the imagined version of them, their “energy,” the “spark,” their “vibe,” not their actual behaviors. You’re more focused on how your inner world feels rather than how the real relationship actually functions.”

Say this to yourself:

I release the fantasy. I see people for who they are today, not who I hope they’ll become.

Sentimental love gives you the illusion of closeness without the real work of learning relational intelligence skills like emotional regulation, boundary setting and negotiation. Connection feels deep but collapses easily.

Say this to yourself:

I want a relationship built on real skills, not chemistry alone. I choose partners who can meet me in emotional intelligence.

Sentimental love gets you high on chemistry, yearning, fantasy, storyline, but it doesn’t sustain long-term partnership. It’s why people say: “I feel so connected to them,” even when the relationship is objectively chaotic.

Say this to yourself:

I’m no longer attracted by intensity alone. I’m choosing the kind of love that feels steady, consistent, and psychologically safe.

Sentimental love creates “maybe someday” relationships. You hold on because the idea is so intoxicating.

Say this to yourself:

I’m not waiting for things to change. I’m responding to what’s actually happening.

The fantasy is safer than real connection. You don’t have to risk rejection, disappointment, or true exposure. Sentimental love bypasses the emotional risk inherent in all intimate relationships

Say this to yourself:

I’m strong enough to choose real intimacy, even when it requires me to take emotional risks.

Sentimental love can recreate anxious and avoidant attachment patterns. You’re attracted to the cycle that matches the nervous system you grew up with. Sentimental love feels like “home” not because it’s healthy, but because it’s familiar.

Say this to yourself:

Familiar doesn’t mean healthy. I choose patterns that support my healing, not recreate my wounding.

Real love requires consistency, clarity, psychological safety, responsibility, communication, alignment on your dreams and goals, the ability to negotiate, shared values, and emotional attunement. These are the ingredients that create something solid, trustworthy, and sustainable. Sentimental love offers none of that. It’s all frosting without cake—sweet in the moment, but ultimately not what makes connection meaningful and worthwhile.

So my hope for you this week is that you’ll spend a little less time in the throes of reel love and a little more time cultivating the real love you deserve.

Love, Lindsay