Love is a Verb

Love is something you do. It’s a skill, an art form. There are theories and practices you can learn in order to love more and love better.

I wonder …

Why are people so unmotivated to learn this skill when the benefits are so blissful and important? Why do we invest so much time, money and energy learning other skills, like business and pickleball ☺︎, and so little learning how to love?

People are often unmotivated to learn how to love because love is seen as something that should come naturally—an instinct rather than a skill to develop. Unlike career success or financial growth, love isn’t typically framed as something that requires intentional learning, practice, or mastery.

Here are a few key reasons why:

1. Romantic Myths – We’re fed the idea that love should be effortless if it’s real. Movies, books, and media romanticize love as fate, chemistry, or magic rather than something we cultivate.

2. Lack of Education – While we take courses on business, math, and science, there’s no standard education on emotional intelligence, communication, or healthy relationships. Many people only learn through trial and error.

3. Fear & Vulnerability – Deep, meaningful love requires self-awareness, emotional work, and vulnerability—things that can feel uncomfortable or even threatening. Avoiding this work feels safer.

4. Cultural Priorities – Modern society tends to glorify productivity, independence, and financial success over emotional fulfillment. Love can feel secondary to "more tangible" achievements.

5. Generational Patterns – Many people were raised by caregivers who didn’t model healthy love, making it difficult to recognize that there’s even something to learn in the first place.

6. Instant Gratification Culture – Real love takes time, patience, and effort. But we live in a world of quick fixes, dating apps, and short-term pleasures, which can make deep emotional investment feel less urgent.

The truth is, love is a skill—one that can be studied, practiced, and refined just like anything else. But it requires a mindset shift: from seeing love as something that happens to us, to something we actively cultivate. So I invite you to put down your pickleball racket, take a break from scrolling, streaming, texting, working, & multitasking and ask yourself, “How can I improve my love game and what action can I take to get there?” Then do it!

If you’re unsure where to start, explore the theory of Attachment and check out my resource, The Language of Attachment, to expand your relationship vocabulary.